


Stargazing, Whiskey and Dean

by beespiesandplaid



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-09
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2018-01-15 00:43:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1284871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beespiesandplaid/pseuds/beespiesandplaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is a dreamer, drifting. Dean is running from himself. A chance meeting beneath the stars causes their lives to tangle together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A chance meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Not much to say here, really. I hope you enjoy the story. Feedback is greatly appreciated and alert me to any typos or errors. Thanks. :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's late night wanderings are interrupted in a not entirely unpleasant manner.

Castiel traveled quietly through the sleeping town, his midnight walks unnoticed by most. He liked to go out in the dark, to slip through shadows and dance around pools of light. He loved the night and how it could swallow him whole without him losing himself.

He walked empty streets most evenings, just enjoying the quiet and being with his thoughts. It helped him clear his head and put things into perspective, reconnected him with the world. He knew he should probably worry about muggers and murderers and various criminal types but he didn't.

Sometimes he drove, left the city behind until he was out in the country. He liked it here the most because the sky, free from light poisoning, stretched infinitely above him. He would sit on the hood of his car, regardless of weather, and let his mind drift through the stars, connecting the dots into constellations of his own creation, dreaming of galaxies and alternate universes and destiny

It was on one such evening that he came to be beside a lake, partly frozen in the December cold. His breath blew out of his mouth in swirling, ghostly tendrils, and his feet crunched through frosted grass. If he looked closely, he could see a billion exquisite ice patterns crystallized into fragile feats of architecture, clinging to leaves and plants like glitter had been poured on the world. The sky was an endless swathe of stars, whispering tales of far off wonders.

He stood beside the lake for some time, looking at the reflection of the moon and thinking about a mirror world beneath his feet, where he wasn't lonely and forgotten, where he was a part of the world and not just one of the many shadows of the night. 

He wished he had a camera, or a notebook, anything to record the brilliant beauty he was drowning in in that moment. Although, he thought, it would be a shame to try to put a moment on to a page. It would taint it. This was the kind of night that could only be truly appreciated in it's current moment, all five senses alive and awake.

Cas closed his eyes and turned his face up to the sky, lost entirely in his mind. He was jolted back to earth by an engine cutting into his thoughts. His eyes opened and he realized he was bathed in the lights of a car. He sighed inwardly. Trust humanity to show it's ugly face just as he was falling in love with the universe all over again. He turned to the car, expecting drunk teens already half undressed, here not to appreciate the sky but each others skin.

He headed back to his own car, glancing at the vehicle as he walked past. It was a beautiful car. A classic 67 Chevrolet Impala, shining and well looked after. He only knew one person who drove such a car – Dean Winchester, a student in his school. A fellow senior, Cas thought. They had never spoken. Dean was well liked, a hard working student. He played on the football team – hence his popularity and why him and Cas existed on different ends of the social spectrum and he worked as a mechanic in his fathers garage. That was about all Cas knew. 

Castiel was about to get into his car when he saw that Dean had his head resting on the steering wheel and his shoulders were shaking with suppressed emotion. Cas didn't know what to do, but then he noticed a plastic bag from an off-licence on the passenger seat, clearly filled with alcohol. He didn't want to live with the guilt if anything happened to Dean, so he decided approaching him may be best.

He knocked on the car window gently, knuckles tapping against cold glass. Dean raised his head, eyes red rimmed and blond hair disheveled – his usual casually mussed spikes lay limp against his forehead. His face looked shamed and shocked at being noticed but he wound down the window nonetheless.

“uh...” Castiel stammered awkwardly.

Dean stared back wearily.

“ I was wondering... I mean... are you all right?” Cas asked , fingernails nervously pressing into his clammy palms. He hated introducing himself to people – it filled him with a strange feeling, a little like butterflies but in an entirely unpleasant way, like his guts had combusted into jelly. 

Dean opened his mouth, and “I'm fine” clearly on the tip of his tongue.

“ You aren't fine.” Cas stated. “ Please don't lie.  
”  
Dean closed his mouth.

“ I mean, you don't have to talk to me or tell me anything. I don't even really know you. But it's late and no one else is here and it is the kind of night that should be shared so if you want some company...” He trailed of, looking at his toes and blushing.

“ that... would be nice.” Dean said quietly, a hint of a smile creeping onto his face.

“ Really?” Cas sounded surprised that someone would accept his company.

Dean nodded, opening the car door as he did so. Frost crunched beneath his feet as he climbed out.

“ Why are you out here anyway? Castiel, isn't it?”

Cas nodded, a little astonished that Dean was aware of his presence – he tended to blur into the background, a little grey smudge on peoples radar.

“ I uh.... well I like the sky.” Castiel admitted. “ And there are no people out here. Well, not usually.”

“sorry.”

“oh...no... don't be... I mean, it's OK.” Castiel continued to blush furiously. He wasn't good at talking to people at the best of times, but Dean Winchester had an extremely attractive voice and every word he said was throwing Castiel a little more off balance.

“ How come you are here then?” 

“ just wanted to escape – have some alone time.” Dean replied  
.  
“oh.” They stood in awkward silence for a moment, Dean with hands in pockets and Cas nervously twisting his sleeves. Dean lifted his face to the sky, looking up at the stars.

“ Hey! Shooting star! Make a wish!” he exclaimed.

Cas laughed, and the awkwardness diffused. He shut his eyes briefly, and wished for a friend– the kind you could escape loneliness with and co-exist endlessly with.

Dean closed his own eyes, wishing that he could find his path and follow it and learn to be himself and not who his father thought he should be.

Dean opened his eyes and looked at Cas.

“ you're right. It is the kinda night that should be shared.” Dean said softly, grinning.

“ so.. um... now that we are here...” Deans voice held a question.

“ What now?” Cas asked.

“ I don't know. I don't make a habit of hanging out with random strangers in remote places. Unless you know, they are cheerleader types and they are naked in my back seat.”

“Oh.. uh...” Cas stammered, mind leaping to places it shouldn't because he could see all to clearly the definition of Deans body through his t-shirt and this only served to make his face boil further.

“ Sorry. Way to make a conversation more awkward.” Dean said, looking at his toes. “ Um... just to clarify, I am not a total slut or anything.” He was quiet, awaiting Cas's answer.

“ well.. I mean.. if you are it's nothing to do with me. It's your back seat.”

Dean laughed.

“ actually it's the old man's – at least until I finish paying of the debt.”

“ It's a beautiful car.”

“ Baby? Yeah she's awesome – I fixed her up. She was a scrap heap before. Dad was gonna sell her on but I persuaded him to let me keep her.”

“ you're good with cars?”

“ well... not to be arrogant.. but I am pretty damn good with cars.” Dean laughed a little.

“ Arrogance isn't arrogance if it is well founded Dean. There is nothing wrong with being proud.”

Dean looked taken aback at the intensity with which Cas spoke.

“ So uh...Cas...what do you do?”

“ not a whole lot really. I guess I'm just waiting for graduation.”

“ Know the feeling. Sometimes I can't wait to get out of this place.”

“Really?” Cas was surprised – Dean Winchester was the perfect all American boy. He didn't seem like the kind who thirsted for adventure and a life of wandering.

“ yeah. You sound shocked.”

“ you seem happy here.”

“ Dude you had never even spoken to me until today. How the hell do you know what I want?”

Cas looked taken aback.

“ Dean... I'm sorry. I meant no offence – I did not mean to make assumptions, it is just that, well, you have friends, and popularity and all that....” He trailed of.

Dean laughed.

“ Jesus! Chill out. It's fine. Popularity doesn't equate to happiness Castiel. It never has and it never will. It is superficial at best and downright nasty at worst.”

“ Well I wouldn't know to be honest. I am a shadow. All I see are the smiles. How am I supposed to know if they are genuine?”

“ Hey. Quit with the shadow thing. I guess we come from different sides of the bridge yeah?”

Castiel nodded.

“ and you know how you know if a smile is genuine?”

Cas shook his head.

“ The eyes. A real smile makes them crinkle up and the entire iris itself has a light that can't be faked. The smiles you find at my lunch table are stretched grimaces. The only spark is a malicious one. You wont find happiness there.”

Cas looked at Deans face thoughtfully.

“ something happened today, didn't it? This bitterness – it is fresh?”

Dean let out a breath.

“ I guess you could say something happened. I'd rather not talk about it though – I don't tend to offload my life onto people I find stargazing.”

“ Sometimes they're the best people to offload to. Their heads are so filled with galaxies that they put your problems into perspective.”

“ hey man, tone down the philosophy! I came here to get smashed, not re-evaluate my entire life purpose.” He grinned as he said it to make sure Cas didn't take offence again – it seemed he was a very literal person.

Castiel smiled back at him.

“ apologies Dean. I am rather fascinated with the heavens.”

“ as in the sky above us or the realm of a higher being?”

“ I thought you didn't want to get philosophical?”

“ well... seen as wallowing in my own misery and drowning my sorrows in whisky is off the menu I guess a healthy discussion about religion will have to suffice.” 

Cas laughed this time – a small rise and fall of his chest and a quirk of his lips. Deans face broke into a smile as well, pleased at having gotten through the rather stiff exterior of the other teenager.

“ well... I don't know what I believe really.” Cas said, brows creased in contemplation. “ I was brought up as a believer – I was always told that the bible's word was law. I still want to believe in someone watching over me – I follow the rules and the morals but I guess I am no longer sure whether there is anyone to carry out the sentence.”

“ What changed?”

“ Life. I guess my eyes opened a bit and doubt crept in. I still don't know whether to feel guilty or free.” Cas laughed a little bitterly. “ what about you?” 

“ I don't know. I kinda think it's a load of bullshit really – my Mum was a devout Christian - used to tell me angels were watching over me. But then, well, I guess I stopped believing that as I grew up.”

“ Why?”

Dean mirrored Castiel's own laugh.

“ Heavy conversation topic, huh?” He said, opening the car door. “ I reckon it'd be better with liquor. Actually, everything is better with liquor.” 

He took a swig out of a bottle of amber liquid and then offered it to Cas. Castiel shook his head in alarm.

“ It's not gonna kill you! Or put you into the pit, if that's what you are worried about.”

“ I have to drive.”

“ I am not going to get pissed. And nor are you – just a drop for recreational purposes. Seriously try it – it's 30 years old and it tastes like fire.”

“ow.” Cas replied, but accepted the proffered bottle. He took a cautious sip and swallowed gingerly. He grimaced.

“ It burns. Like angry bees in you throat.”

Dean blinked at him.

“ scrap that. Angry wasps.”

Dean laughed. “ yeah. Wasps. Evil sons of bitches.”

Castiel grinned and took another swig.

They drank in a companionable silence for awhile, passing the bottle back and forth and drifting through their thoughts. When the bottle was half empty Dean looked at his watch.

“ Dude I better get going – it's like 2 in the morning.”

“ Huh?”

“ It's late.”

“And?” 

“ And my Dad is gonna be pissed. Also I have to get to school in tomorrow. Or, well, later today.”

“ OK. I don't mind.”

“ do you need a lift?”

“ why would I? My car is right there.” Castiel looked back at Dean dazedly.

“ well... are you OK to drive? You look a little out of it.”

“ I'm fine Dean.” Cas took a step forward from the impala bonnet and promptly stumbled. He found himself caught by strong arms.

“ Christ you are a lightweight – you should have warned me!” Dean laughed, hauling Cas to his feet. “ I'll drive you home.”

“ No I'm fine. Honest.” Cas attempted to walk again and weaved over to his car door.

“ It's no problem – you live in the suburbs right? Not far from me – a couple blocks I think.”

“what about my car?”

“ I'll drive you back out here after school tomorrow – I'm not busy.”

“ Thank you. Sorry.”

“ Nah. It's my fault – I should have listened when you said you weren't much of a drinker.”

“ I am not familiar with liquor. My family do not approve of such pastimes.”

Dean laughed again and opened the passenger door.

“ You need anything from your car before we leave?”

Castiel shook his head and slid into the seat, banging his head on the roof as he did so.

Dean pulled out of the gravel area where they were parked and returned to the roads.

“ so...” he asked, into the silence.

“So?” Cas replied.

“ I was wondering what to ask you.”

“ About what?” Castiel's eyes glowed blue under his confused brows.

“ well. I don't know you. Well, I know that you are a bit of a weirdo who makes a habit of stargazing by himself, but other than that ...”

“ Why does it matter if you know me?” Castiel asked.

“ Do you not find it a little strange? Bumping into a random person and talking about god and drinking whisky with them?”

“ No.”

“ huh.”

“ I like meetings like this. It is just two people – no histories or memories, just the present. And tomorrow, once I get my car back, it will be the past. It's simple.”

“ so you are a no strings attached kind of person?”

“ well I am certainly not a puppet.”

Dean glanced across, looking for sarcasm in Cas's expression. He was met with a poker face.

“ Are you always so literal?” 

Cas grinned.

“ yes. It is my particular brand of humor.”

“ So you understand references to things and idioms, you just pretend not to?”

Cas looked confused again.

“ Dude I don't even know if you are joking any more.” Dean said, focusing on the road.

They fell quiet again. It was surprisingly hard to maintain a conversation with someone you barely knew when you had no intention of getting to know them. And after their philosophical discussions of earlier, small talk just didn't seem right.

Half an hour later they were back in the suburbs.

Dean looked over to Cas, who had fallen asleep with his face smushed against the window.

“ hey? Castiel?” He asked. Cas stirred sleepily, muttering to himself.

“Oi! Wake up!” 

Castiel jolted up, wiping his mouth quickly in case of drool.

“Huh? What?”

“ which way to your house?”  
“ Oh. Um. Take the next left – drop me a block away and I'll walk.”

“ why?”

“ I don't want to wake my family. Especially not by arriving back half drunk with some random guy.”

Dean looked a little confused.

“ It's not only alcohol they disapprove of. The last time my Dad found me in another guy's car it caused our relationship some issues. Mine and my fathers and mine and the guys.”

Deans expression cleared a little.

“ So.. you're... gay?” He asked.

“ If you so desire to slap a big label saying faggot on me then yes. I am.”

Dean pulled the car over – they were at the end of Castiel's street.

“ hey, Cas?”

“what?”

“ I'm not judging you. I don't give a fuck who people fuck. It's no skin of my nose if you like it up the ass.”

Castiel looked taken aback.

“ that is not the reaction I usually get.”

“ Maybe I'm not the usual person.”

“ Maybe.”

“ Is that why you doubt your religion?”

“ well, when I found out the guy I pray to would have me stoned for who I choose to love it kinda shook the foundations a little.” 

“ fair point. Hey, I like pissed off Cas. He's funny.”

Castiel scowled.

“ I will get out now Dean.”

“ you need a ride to school tomorrow?”

“ I don't have a car, do I?”

“ nope. Because you are a lightweight.”

“ Fine. I will see you in the morning.”

Dean laughed as Cas walked down the street, wobbling just the tiniest bit.


	2. The morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day dawns bright and awkward. There is no clear way to proceed from impromptu stargazing and lift giving.

The next morning was freezing cold and a bleary eyed Castiel stood on the corner of his street, hands tucked under his armpits. His lips were a funny shade of blue when the impala finally turned up, it's engine a loud purr on the quiet road.

The passenger door opened and a boy emerged. He kept emerging. Castiel found that he was looking up at almost 6 feet of gangly teenage boy, dressed in jeans and a plaid shirt and sporting hair that was long to the point of girlishness.

“ Hey” The boy greeted. His voice hadn't quite finished breaking. Cas felt a twinge of pity. No one did the awkward stage quite like this kid.

“Hello.” Castiel replied.

“ I am Sam. Sam Winchester.” 

“ I guessed. You look just like your brother.”

“ Really?”

“No.”

Sam looked at Cas in slight bafflement.

“ Jesus Sammy! Get in the back seat and let Cas in. It's freaking cold out there.”

“ Don't mummy me Dean. And it's Sam. I'm not 8.”

“ No. You're 14. Which is basically the same. Now get in.”

Sam sighed and folded his limbs into the back of the car. Castiel slid into the passenger seat and slammed the door, immediately relieved when the wind stopped whistling through his ears.

“ So you got back in OK? No angry parents?” Dean asked.

“ In my mildly intoxicated state I forgot that a missing car would probably be noticeable.”

Dean winced a little. 

“ Yeah. Cars do take up a fair bit of space.”

“ luckily I woke early, and realized this through my headache. I left a note saying I had some errands to run and left the house.”

“ Errands? Who the fuck says errands?” Dean asked.

“ Me!” piped Sammy from the back.  
“ You're a nerd. Nerds don't count.”

“ Well, I left the note. But obviously I lied.” Cas seemed rather proud of this stroke of genius.

“ have you never lied before?”

“ yes. I have told many lies. But this one was a note.”

Dean's eyes met his brothers and they shared an expression of bafflement. Castiel was oblivious.

Fifteen minutes later they pulled into the school car park. The colour of Cas's lips had faded back to a colour close to pink. Climbing out of the impala Sam turned to Cas.

“ why are we picking you up anyway?”

Cas looked to Dean for an answer.

“ His car broke down yesterday. I dropped him home. I'm gonna go fix the car with him after school so you'll have to get a bus or something, OK?”

Sam nodded.

“ sure. I'll catch you later. See you Castiel.”

Castiel raised a hand in a somewhat awkward wave, unnoticed by the back of Sam's head.

“ Right. Well I'll meet you here after last period?” Dean asked.

“ Yes. I will see you then.” 

They nodded at one another and began walking into school, neither of them foreseeing that they were going the wrong way. The premature farewell led to a minutes awkward silence as they headed into the building.

Cas and Dean parted ways at the end of the corridor, with an awkward nod from Dean and a shy smile from Castiel.

 

“ Hey Cas? S'up with you and Winchester?” 

Castiel looked up from his textbook to find Charlie smirking down at him.

“ He's pretty hot, I'll give you that.”

Castiel blushes crimson.

“ Charlie, not everything is about intercourse.”

Charlie grinned, an eyebrow raised in anticipation of gossip.

 

“ Come on Cas, spill the beans.”  
“ There are no “Beans” to spill. I needed a ride to school, that is all.”

“ A ride with a Winchester? A little out of your usual social league don't you think?”

“ It was not a social event. It is a long story.”

“ Seriously Cas, there are 45 minutes of trig. I think I have time.”

“ Well I don't. I need to finish these questions.”

Charlie scowled at Cas, more than a hint of petulance in her expression, but he keeps him eyes firmly focused on his desk. 

“ Fine. Keep those lips sealed. But I'm just saying, being a ghost is gonna get pretty difficult if you are riding Dean Winchester.”

“ He's straight, for starters.”

“ Oh I don't know about straight Castiel. Those blue eyes of yours could switch up anyone's sexuality. Hell, if I wasn't so into Hermione Granger you'd have me doubting myself.”

Cas laughs softly and turns back to his work, doing his best to think about the sine rule instead of Dean.

Lunchtime brings the usual to Cas – mediocre meals eaten silently as he sits at the end of Charlie's table. It's not that he doesn't have friends – plenty of people will talk to him, if he responds. It just gets a little much, sometimes. All those separate lives, crossing and intertwining like spaghetti. The result is sensory overload and Cas is confused enough about his own feelings without getting involved with others.

When he is done eating he mutters a farewell to the dinner table – Charlie is engaged in conversation with Dorothy, Kevin and Garth are discussing something horrifically nerdy. They nod back before returning to their conversations, and like that the space where Castiel was is filled in.

He makes his way outside – the open air helps him clear his head, sweeps out the cobwebs. Castiel sits on a wall near where the bins are kept. Not many people come here – mainly because it smells terrible, but Cas would rather be alone and surrounded by rotting garbage than keeping up a front amidst a sea of people. He's a little anti-social that way.

Cas looked up at the sky – it was a miserable shade of grey today, the kind that is utterly flat and without form, like someone did a watercolour wash and then forgot to paint in the the colours. As Cas's eyes wandered so did his thoughts – back to green eyes and messy blond hair and the remembered feel of whisky burning down his throat. Back to Dean Winchester. He barely knew the guy, really. But it was the meeting – Dean, normally so together, on the edge of breaking apart, and Cas, lost in his own solitude, oblivious to how much he needed company. They were so different, Cas thought, but maybe, well, maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. 

The harsh ringing of the school bell shattered Cas's thoughts, jolting him back to the present. He sighed and picked up his bag, preparing himself for the afternoons classes – double art, so it wouldn't be too bad. The teacher hated him though – she believed in fruit bowls and nicely proportioned figures. Castiel liked to paint the sky and the things from his dreams – fantastical scenes that were strange reflections of reality – whenever he painted fruit it came out in odd colours, and his faces were always twisted and morphed. He tried to paint what he saw, but he didn't see things the way she wanted – he saw the world through eyes that were clouded by his thoughts.  
He arrived in class – he was a little late, most people were already in seats. He put his bag down, taking out a pencil case and his sketchbook as he did so.

“ Right class. As you know, your assignment task starts today – I will be giving all the relevant details on a sheet, but basically by next week I want your initial sketches in – that means I want several observational drawings and ideas. The theme is landscapes – it can be anything from mountains to city skylines, but remember it is expressive so I want to see some originality from you.”

Castiel smiled a little. He liked landscapes – the meeting of the sky and the earth, horizons. It was an assignment he could work with. Actually, he could take took some pictures by the lake – he could draw from them later. And, by the time they got there, it would be dusk – the whole scene would be bathed in cold, blue light.

When the last bell finally rings Castiel heaves a sigh of relief. The day has dragged terribly – hours upon hours of glances at the clock, counting the minutes until school is over. The minutes until he sees Dean again. 

When the last bell rings Castiel jumps out of his seat, stumbling awkwardly over his own feet. He straightens up and tries to appear casual, strolling nonchalantly out of the room. He fools no one though. His cheeks are flushed red and his eyes are a bright, piercing blue. 

Five minutes later he is in the car park, looking for Dean. Every flash of dirty blonde hair causes his heart to leap, just a little. He curses himself mentally for his hopeless crush. In all likelihood, Dean would drop him at the lake and leave, and that would be the end of it. 

“Hey!” Dean's voice breaks Cas's reverie. He blushes, again.

“ Oh..uh...Hi..”

Dean laughs.

“ You really are impossibly awkward, do you know that?”

Cas's face is beet red. He runs a hand through his hair, despite knowing full well that it would only cause him to look more flustered and ridiculous. He looks down at his toes, turned in. What had he been thinking? Dean Winchester. Painfully heterosexual, popular Dean Winchester.

“ Hey? Cas? I was kidding... it wasn't a dig...”

Cas looks up, returning his gaze to Dean and his impossibly green eyes.

“ To be honest... I think it's kinda cute.” Dean grins mischievously, face filled with mirth. 

Cas can feel himself burn. That bastard, he thinks. He knows exactly what he's doing. Cas clears his throat and determinedly ignores his red face. He will not let it, or Dean Winchester, get the better of him.

 

“ My car, Dean. I believe that's what we are here for?”  
“ What? Oh yeah.” Dean looks ever so slightly disheartened at Cas's tone of voice, but opens the passenger door with a smile, waving Cas into the seat in a mockery of chivalry. At least, Cas assumes it is a mockery.

Dean climbs into the drivers side, turning the key and starting the engine. As they pull out of the school he glances at Cas.

“ So...”

Cas waits patiently for Dean to formulate a phrase worth responding to.

“ Well, I mean, once you've got your car... what then?”

“ I drive it home.”

“ Obviously. But you and me.”

Dean says it like a question, hesitant and just a little unsure of himself, almost shy. Cas does his level best not to think about him and Dean. The possibility of Dean and Cas, said together like a single entity. He fails. His imagination has always jumped.

“ What about us?” Cas asks, trying to keep hope from his voice. He wont make a move. He doesn't like the sting of rejection.

“ Do we just go back to being strangers?”

“ If you want”

“ Is this a regular occurrence for you?”

Cas contemplates lying, feeling an irrational urge to push Dean away before Dean can crush him.  
He sighs.

“ No.”

“ So you don't frequently get drunk with strangers and stargaze?”

“ No.”

“ So... that makes me special, right?”

Yes, Cas thinks, it does. 

“ I guess you could look at it that way.”

“ Your pretty cold without whisky warming you up, you know that?”

“ I am not terribly sociable by nature.”

Dean laughs.

“ I reckon you just need to give it a try. Loosen up. Find someone who's on your wavelength.”

“ and what are the chances of that?”

Dean smiles again.

“ Well you know, sometimes you meet people and you just kind of...click. Say, for instance, you met a guy late at night, and he was gonna get smashed but then you talked about philosophy with him and made him think maybe it wasn't so bad and then he drove you home and couldn't stop thinking about how interesting you were, well, if that happened, I'd say you should be that persons friend.”

Dean now looks down, away from Cas, waiting for his response. Cas is momentarily stunned.

“ Are you saying you want to be my friend?”

“ Hell yeah. I like you, Cas.”

Cas blushes profoundly.

“ I like your blush too.” Dean winks, turning his attention back to the road.

“ Well then, I suppose, we could meet again. If you would like that.” Cas tries to suppress the butterflies in his stomach at the prospect of spending more time with Dean.

“ I would like that, Cas.” Dean says, dropping his jokes. “ I think you are different, you know? I mean, my other friends, they are all shallow and so preoccupied with the little things. And you, well, you think about the sky. You aren't bothered about what I do or who I date or my career. You don't care.”

I could, though. Cas thinks. I could care about you. But it is to soon to say such a thing and Cas knows all about how intense he can be. So he smiles and they pass the last five minutes of the journey in a contemplative, comfortable silence.

“ Right. So here we are. Your car.” Dean says, pulling up in the car park beside the lake. It is empty, as usual. For some reason very few people come here. Not that Cas minds.

“ Yeah. Thanks for the ride.”

“ You heading home now?”

“ no actually – I was going to take some pictures. Art, you know. Landscapes.” Cas finishes, looking away. 

“ Really? I didn't know you were an artist. Any good?”

Cas laughs.

“ I'm not the worst. Although my teacher seems to think I am.”

Dean lifts an eyebrow, waiting for Cas to elaborate.

“ I ah... like to paint fantasy landscapes. Dream skies.” Cas confessed, hunching his shoulders, shrinking himself.

Dean eyes are wide.

“ Really? Like sci-fi – futuristic planets and all that shit?”

“ kind of, yeah.” Cas grins, posture straightening.

“ Can I see? I mean, if you don't mind.”

“ You'd want to see that?”

“ Hell yeah! I ah... I'm kind of a sci-fi geek. But don't tell anyone – I have a reputation to maintain.”

“ and it means you can't like sci-fi?”

“ well you know... doesn't really fit with the whole image.”

“ Then why do you maintain it?” Cas asks, quietly, seriously. He knows he is stepping into uncharted territory. He doesn't know Dean that well. He should be careful, polite. 

Dean's face closes of a little, jaw tightening. 

“ I don't know.” He replies, truthfully. “ I guess it's...easier.” He says, with finality. Discussion closed.

Cas makes a note to speak to Dean more about the topic at a later date, if there is one. Sci-fi, he thinks, interesting.

“ Pictures?” Dean asks.

“ Oh yeah. Wait, my camera is in my car I think.” Cas digs around in his bag for his keys. He retrieves his camera, switching it on.

“ Are you going now?” He turns to Dean. “ Only, I could be awhile – it depends on the sky... it's almost dusk but...” He trails off.

“ I don't have anywhere to be. That is, if you don't mind me saying. You can teach me about photography.”

“ If you'll teach me about cars.” Cas grins back. 

“ Don't you do, like, advanced physics or something?”

Cas laughs.

“ Yeah but they don' t teach you how to do an oil change.”

Dean grins at that  
.  
“ I think I could manage that, at least. How the hell have you not learnt to change your oil?”

“ My brothers do it. I'm the baby of the family. Well, except for Anna.”

“ I'm the oldest. Well, it is just me and Sammy, but still. I guess I learn to do shit if I want it done.”

“ The joys of big brotherhood?”

“ It's not so bad. Sam's a good kid. Smart. He's going places.”

Cas looks at Dean, his eyes boring into him.

“ and you're not?”

Dean's laugh is bitter now.

“ I'm not the smart one, Cas. I'm the one that stays in this good-for-nothing town, fixing cars and watching lives pass me by. Broken down cars and snippets of lives, watching journeys. That's me. Elbow deep in oil and dirt, that's where I'm heading.” Dean looks away now.

Cas blinks at him, unsure of what to say.

“ ah... sorry about that. Guess I'm still pretty angry after yesterday.” He shrugs it off.

“ It's OK.” Cas replies, a little shocked at Dean's outburst. “ I'll listen.” He says, simply. It's not a plea for more information or a shallow condolence. It's a genuine offer and he means it. He'll listen to Dean Winchester rant about dead end jobs and untraveled paths, because he is Dean, and Cas feels a little like he's known those eyes for a lifetime.

Dean grunts. It is not aggressive though, merely an acknowledgement. Cas figures Dean is pretty shit at feelings. Always the tough guy, he supposes. Too much testosterone.

“ So...photography?” Dean prompts.

“ Oh. Yeah. Well, I don't actually know that much about it.” Cas confesses. “ I just point and hope for the best.”

Dean grins again, face lit with amusement.

“ I'm sure it is a genius technique that takes years to master. If you would be so kind as to let me observe...”

“ I shall consider taking you as my apprentice.” Cas says in a snooty tone, joining in the joke.

“ Hey – you can joke? Other than stone faced literalism?”

“ apparently so.” Cas says, monotone firmly back in place. Dean waves an arm, gesturing for Cas to lead the way.

Cas is distracted then, by the lake and the sky. His predictions from art were correct – the sky is fading to a dull blue/grey, somewhere between day and night. It's moody and atmospheric, with reflections of clouds in the flat water. He takes several pictures, already plotting compositions in his head, ways for the two to meet, to merge. He has always enjoyed painting horizons – it makes him feel as though he is stood on the doorstep of the universe, as though it is all just in front of him, if only he can jump over that last edge. 

Half an hour later Cas switches the camera off, straightening and looking at Dean. Dean is stood behind him, watching intently. His eyes flick up as Cas stands. Cas tries to ignore the flip of his stomach as Dean's eyes travel up his body.

“ You done?” Dean asks, breaking the tension.

“ Yeah. Learn anything?”

“ Oh you know, a thing or two. Like, how to lean ridiculously far over a bank without toppling into the water.” 

“ What can I say. I defy gravity. It's as though I have wings.” Cas grins easily. He can feel himself relaxing, growing accustomed to Dean's presence, to the ebb and flow of conversation, the periods of silence. It's an intricate dance, yet Cas feels as though the steps are programmed into him already.

“ Well, if you're done, I kinda have to get back. Dad'll be pissed otherwise, and I need to check on Sammy.”

“ That's fine.” Cas replies, not missing how Dean's voice changes when he mentions his dad. He considers asking, but doesn't want to push. Pushing never helps a friendship, Cas knows this. Sometimes you just need to wait for the other person to open up.

They arrive back at the cars, facing each other for a moment, unsure of the proper farewell.

“ So... I'll see you around?” Cas asks, a little unsure despite their earlier agreement of friendship.

“ When?” Dean grins.

“ Uh, whenever you like.”

“ You have a phone number or something? Or is that too social for you?”

“ I have a phone, Dean.”

“ Good.”

Cas looks back at Dean. Then he realizes what Dean is waiting for.

“ Oh right.” He reaches into his pockets, fishing out his phone. He rattles the number off to Dean and Dean promises to text him when he arrives home.

“ Bye for now?” Dean asks.

“ Bye for now.” Cas confirms, climbing into his car. He waits for Dean to pull out before following.  
On the drive home Cas contemplates this new turn in his life. Dean Winchester. Who would have thought it? He can't help but remember the star. Perhaps the heavens aren't as empty as he thought.


	3. Cherry Pie and Chick Flic Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sort of date in which many topics of conversation are covered and it becomes apparent that nothing is ever as simple as it should be.

Cas didn't hear anything from Dean over the weekend. He had texted, as promised, when he arrived home, but that was all. Cas wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. On the one hand, it had only been two days but on the other, well, Cas had kind of hoped something more might have come of their meeting. He sighed, turning back to his trig textbook. Exciting.

He was unable to stop thinking about Dean, try as he might. It was odd – Cas didn't normally care much for people, not since Balthazar. And that had not turned out well. But try as he might those green eyes wouldn't leave him alone. Who was he kidding anyway? He was Castiel Novak, quiet and silent, not seen, not heard. Dean may as well have been from a different planet – he was certainly a different species. 

Cas sighed, punching some numbers into his calculator. He didn't even know what he was feeling, to be honest. Regret at their meeting? Disappointment? Hurt? Probably embarrassment, he decided. Embarrassment at himself for daring to believe that Dean might actually like Cas. He must have been reading to much into those smiles and that laugh. 

Cas rested his head on his open text book, feeling a little sorry for himself. At that moment his phone buzzed, startling him. He peeled himself away from the books pages and reached for his phone.

“hey Cas. Just wondering if you'd like to meet? I mean, if you're not busy.”

Cas couldn't help but smile down at his phone. He waited a few minutes before he replied, in an effort to keep hold of a little of his dignity. It wouldn't hurt for Dean to believe he had a life.

“Sure. Where?” Cas typed, hitting send before he ended up saying something stupid. The reply came back almost instantly.

“I was thinking maybe the lake .I have food.” 

There was another ping from Cas's phone.

“ I mean, I hope you don't think that's weird. It's just I like it there.”

Cas smiles again. Dean isn't terribly good at hiding his little insecurities, Cas realizes. It makes him feel as though he is on more level footing.

“ Not weird. See you in half an hour?”

“I'll be there.”

Cas pulls on his shoes and grabs a coat as he leaves, remembering the frosty weather. 

Dean is already there when Cas arrives, sat in the impala and listening to classic rock. Cas doesn't know the song, although he feels like he has heard it somewhere before. He climbs out of his car, feet crunching across frosty grass, and knocks on Deans window for the second time that week.

Dean turns and grins when he sees him, gesturing for Cas to join him in the passenger seat.

“ Hey” He greets, reaching to turn down the music.

“ Hello Dean.” Cas replies, settling into the front of the impala. It's becoming quite a familiar location.

“ So... how's your weekend been?”

“ Thrilling.”

“ How so?” Dean looks genuinely curious, as though expecting Cas to launch into some exciting tale.

“ Three pages of trig homework and an English essay. What about you?”

“ Uh, busy I guess. I had football training yesterday and then I had to work late at the garage – stressy couple insistent on their car being fixed that day. Then I had homework and then I had to take Sam to a meeting earlier today.”

“ I see. Sounds chaotic.” 

“ That's why I didn't call or anything.” Dean adds. “ I wanted to but I didn't get a chance.”

“ Don't worry about it.” Cas says. He feels reassured, his earlier doubts retreating for awhile.

They sit quietly for a moment. Dean is nodding along to his music.

“ Who is this?” Cas asks.

Dean grins, sitting up.

“ Kansas. Great band.” 

Cas looks blank.

“ You've never heard of Kansas?”

“ Other than the state we live in, no.”

“ Dude, you're missing out. What about Led Zeppelin? Metallica? AC/DC?”

“ I have heard of them although I am not intimately familiar with their music.”

Dean frowns at Cas's word choice for a moment before adopting an expression of gleeful anticipation.

“ I am going to have so much fun educating you in music.” He grins.

“ I look forward to it.” Cas smiles, suddenly shy at Dean's words. They had been said easily, as though their friendship had a guaranteed future, no question. Cas looked at Dean, who was now flicking through his cassette tape collection, muttering a running commentary about best albums and bands strong points. Cas thought he was lucky to see this side of Dean – he wondered if anyone else had sat in this seat as Dean spoke at length of things he loved. Cas hoped not.

“ Hey! I forgot I had this one! Awesome!” Dean lifts his head, catching Cas staring. It was as though he has just realized the intimacy of their situation, sat close together in the car, shielded against the weather ( which has taken a turn for the worst – Kansas was now playing a duet with the rain.) Dean's eyes strayed to Cas's lips, soft and full and slightly parted, before returning to Cas's eyes.

“ I...” He began, about to start a sentence. His voice came out as a husky rasp and Dean shut his mouth, blushing slightly. He swallowed. Cas waited, heart thumping. He could feel the blood rush to his cheeks as Dean stared at him. Dean shook himself.

“ I brought food.” He said abruptly. “ Do you want to eat?”

Cas quelled the slight disappointment he felt and nodded. Dean looked toward the back seat. 

“ It's in the boot.” He stated. “ It's raining. A lot. So I'm going to climb through.”

“ That is logical.”

“ We'll see.” Dean grinned, pulling his feet up onto his seat and twisting. He squirmed through the gap and if Cas got a face full of Dean's ass he didn't complain. After 30 seconds of wriggling Dean collapsed into the back of the car, laughing. He scrambled up, reaching over the seat and retrieving a bag. His hair was now sticking up haphazardly and Cas had to resist a sudden urge to smooth it down.

“ Right. Uh, I'm not climbing back through there. You can come join me in the back, if you like?” Dean asked. 

“ Dean.” Cas looked a little alarmed.

“ What?”

“ I am not the most co-ordinated of people.” Cas stated. 

“ Can't be worse than me.”

Cas sighed, resigning himself to imminent mortification. He somehow managed to get one leg through the gap into the back, but then got the other firmly wedged behind him. Eventually, with a steadying hand from Dean, he clambered through. Dean's hand lingered on his arm for a moment before Cas sat in an undignified heap of limbs. Dean dragged his eyes away from Cas and returned them to his bag.

“ I didn't know what you liked.” He began. “ But I brought burgers – they are still warm, I hope. And pie. Because pie is awesome. You had better like pie. If you don't I don't think we can be friends.”

“ I like pie.” 

“ Good. It's cherry. Oh, and I brought a beer for me but I got you apple juice – don't want a repeat of last time.”

Cas flushed with embarrassment. 

“ Kidding, I'm drinking apple juice as well. I'm not gonna drink by myself.”

Cas looked slightly mollified at that.

“ I'm not a child, Dean.”

“ I know. Cas, I was winding you up. I don't want to drink anyway. I drink to forget and I don't want to be forgetting at the moment – I want to be remembering.” Dean hands him a juice carton, as though his statement is no big deal.

Cas looks away, touched by sudden emotion.

“ Why me, Dean?” He asked abruptly.

“ What do you mean?”

“ Why are you here, in the rain, drinking apple juice with some guy you barely know?” 

Dean pauses.

“ Why not you?” He replies, looking at Cas seriously.

“ I... well. I'm just me. Castiel Novak. A shadow. You could be in this car with anyone you wanted, because you are Dean Winchester. Like you said – you could have a cheerleader in here right now, if you wanted. So why are you drinking apple juice with a complete loser?”

Dean looks hurt. Then he looks angry.

“ Do you think you are a loser?” He asks, quietly.

Cas can feel the tension in the car. 

“ I think that people like you think I'm a loser.” He says softly.

“ You know, no one's indifferent to it are they? Even you. You still see me as a label. Just some jock. The kind of dick head who shoves freshmen into lockers. I'm not that person, Cas. I'm not what everyone wants me to be. I can't just be shoved in god damn box and have the lid slammed on. I am a person – multidimensional. I'm here because... because..” He trails of, uncomfortable with discussing anything other than his rage.

Cas is looking down at his knees.

“ why are you here Dean? I need to know. I can't stop thinking that it's some joke or something. I know that's unfair, to think of you like that, but it's all I have known. And I'd like to know the rest of you, I really would. I'd like it to be like the first night, all the time. But first I need to know why.”

“ Cas...” Dean's voice is quiet. “ I'm here because I like you? OK? I met you, and I felt like crap, and you made me feel better. You are different, to the others. And I don't think you are a loser, not for one second. Don't let anyone make you think that.” 

He stops and fidgets with the box of juice in his hands. Cas senses he has more to say, but it is evident that for tonight, that is all the feelings Dean can cope with. Eventually, Cas thinks, he'll know the full story. He'll know why Dean is wrapped up in shrugs and shirts and why he can't just come out and say what he feels. And Cas is patient.

“ You have burgers?” Cas prompted, offering Dean a change of subject. Dean reaches for the bag, handing a burger wrapped in paper towel to Cas. He then gets his own. He bites into it and pulls a face.

“ Bleugh. It's cold. Damn it – our chick flic moment ruined the burger. Sam would never let me live it down.”

Cas chewed, keeping his face painstakingly blank. It was still painfully obvious that the burger was disgusting – almost totally cold and soggy.

“ Hey Cas? Shall we just eat pie?”

Cas swallowed and tried not to gag.

“ I think that would be prudent.” He said.

Dean took the offending burger from Cas and put it back into the bag, retrieving a plastic container as he did so. He handed a piece of cherry pie to Cas, waiting anxiously as he bit into it.

Cas chewed thoughtfully, smiling with satisfaction as he swallowed. 

“ is it nice?” Dean asked, as soon as Cas was no longer chewing.

“ Delicious. Where did you get it?” Cas asked, making a note to visit the place.

Dean blushed bright red.

“ I ah... I made it.”

If Cas had still been eating, he would have choked.

“ You made this?” He said, incredulously.

“ Hey! Why is that so hard to believe?” Dean looked mildly offended.

“ Well it's just... surprising.” Cas said tactfully. “ And very nice.” He added. Now that he looked, he could see faint traces of flour on Dean's shirt. He must have baked it that day especially. Cas realized with a jolt that he was falling more than a little in love with the confusing bundle of conflicts that made up Dean Winchester. He smiled at the mental image of Dean in a kitchen, humming and mixing, a beer in one hand and a wooden spoon in the other. 

“ Why are you smiling like that?” Dean asked.

“ Like what?” Cas rearranged his features into an exaggerated frown. Dean laughed quietly and bit into his own pie. Cas continued to frown as he ate, overcompensating for that embarrassingly sweet smile that Dean had just witnessed. They ate companionably for a few minutes – Cas was chewing contemplatively.

“ Where did you learn to cook?” He asked. “ It's just – I can't really see you in an economics class.”

“ Are you funny about gender roles?”

Cas shook his head.

“ I thought you would be.” He said, licking the last crumbs from his lips thoughtfully.

“ Hey Cas?”

“ Yeah?”

“ Please stop making assumptions about me.”

Cas looks at him.

“ OK.” He says, seriously. “ No more stereotypes.” He hadn't meant to make Dean feel judged. He wasn't a judging person – live and let live was his motto really. It was just odd, being here in this car with someone whom he had only ever seen from afar. He saw now that the Dean Winchester everyone else saw was not quite the same as the Dean who was sat in this car – this one liked to talk about space and music, he loved to bake pie and he loved his little brother and he was a bit of a mess but he kept going. And Cas wanted him to know that he accepted him, no questions, no judgement. 

“ Thanks.”

“ So, who taught you to bake?”

Dean paused, expression softening.

“ My mum.” He said, quietly. “ When I was little – only three of four – she would bake pies with me in the afternoon and we would have them for dessert. Dad used to love them. I learnt how to again when I was about twelve – found a recipe book and just went for it. It made me feel closer to her. Shit, I don't even know why I'm telling you this. I swear I'm not normally this sappy.”

“ It's fine Dean. Your mum sounds lovely.”

“ She was.” Dean cleared his throat, eyes bright, and Castiel's heart felt a little heavier when he processed the use of the past tense. 

“ I've never been able to cook.” Cas says truthfully. “ Once, I tried to boil and egg. I ended up having to call the fire brigade.”

Dean choked.

“ are you serious?”

“ Well I don't see any reason to joke about it. It was a traumatic experience.” 

“ How? I mean, an egg?”

“ I am not entirely sure of the exact chain of events. It's is all a bit of a blur. I haven't tried to cook anything more ambitious than pot noodle since.”

“ Probably wise.” Dean says, looking over at Cas with slight amazement.

“ Indeed.”

“ Hey – do you want to get some air? It kinda stinks of burger in here.”

“ It's pouring down, Dean.”

“ Come on Cas – live a little. Do you not like the rain?”

“ I can't say I've ever thought about it really.” Cas says honestly, pressing his nose up against the car window and peering out. It's almost dark – Cas thinks it's about 4 thirty but he isn't sure, and the rain is absolutely pouring. 

“ Well, the worst that will happen is we get wet.” Dean says.

“ Or one of us slips in mud and ends up in the ER.”

“ Always the pessimist, Cas. If this amount of rain won't half fill your cup then nothing will.” Dean grins, pulling on a jacket that is in his back seat. Cas resigns himself to an inevitable drenching and does up his trench coat. 

Dean counts down from 3 and they both step out into the pouring rain. Dean turns to Cas and laughs at his disgruntled expression.

“ It's not that bad Cas.” He says, looking at Cas's hair, now plastered to his face. He is huddled in his coat, looking pathetic. “ Once you accept that you are going to get wet being in the rain is oddly freeing.”

Cas loosens his shoulders and tips his face up to the heavens, letting the water stream down his face. Dean was right. It was strangely liberating – he felt cleansed. He turned back to Dean, smiling now. Dean was grinning back and Cas was struck by the ridiculousness of the situation – there they were, stood in the pouring rain, laughing like children. 

Dean walked over to join Cas on the passenger side of the impala, standing beside him in the rain. Their eyes met and Castiel had was looking at Dean, soaked to the skin and possibly the most beautiful thing Cas had ever seen. Water dripped from his hair, his nose, his chin – even his eyelashes. He was smiling though, body facing Cas, staring back. Cas could feel the silence between them – as though a step were waiting to be taken. He wouldn't take it though, he knew.

“ Cas...” Dean said softly, leaning closer.

Cas said nothing, just looked back with wide eyes. He stood perfectly still, not wanting to fracture this fragile thing between them. Dean leaned closer still – Cas could feel his breath tickling his cheek. It still hadn't happened – he could step back. Dean could still stop, Cas could be imagining it, all of it. Why would Dean want this, from him? 

Dean's lips met Cas's and the doubts flew from his mind. Cas closed his eyes and parted his lips, vaguely realizing how clichéd the moment was but not really caring – there was a reason people kissed in the rain. 

After just a couple of seconds Dean pulled away. Cas opened his eyes, leaning forward to be closer to Dean but Dean was gone. He stood a few feet away, fists clenched. Cas looked back, confused.

“ Dean?” He asked, puzzled. Dean had been the one to kiss him.

Dean said nothing but Cas thought he saw his lip tremble. If it weren't for the rain drops he would also have seen the tears that coursed down Dean's cheeks.

“ I'm... I'm sorry Cas.” Dean whispered, turning and climbing into his car. Cas stepped back and watched as Dean drove of, leaving him standing in the mud with a faint taste of Cherry pie on his lips and a sad heart.


	4. Text messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie demands to know why a worried Dean Winchester showed up a her lunch table, inquiring after an absent Cas.

Cas stood numbly in the rain long after the sound of the impala;s engine had faded. He replayed the kiss in his mind, trying to figure out what had gone wrong, what he had done wrong. He didn't think it was anything he had done – after all, he had not initiated the kiss because he was scared of this happening. Perhaps then it was just him.

After awhile, when the grey light had faded to black, Cas returned to his car. He was shivering nearly uncontrollably now and he turned the heating up to full. 

Cas knew that he had never been the best at reading people – to caught up in his daydreams to correctly interpret body language – but everything Dean had done had suggested he like Cas. He'd suggested they come out here. He'd even baked him pie. Cas sighed. Maybe he was just a terrible kisser. 

He looked at his phone, sat on the passenger seat, contemplating calling Dean. Probably a bad idea. He'd feel clingy and needy and Dean would probably be cruel because Cas knew by now that Dean's emotions always manifested themselves as anger or broken defeat. Castiel turned the engine on and simply drove to try and stop himself thinking. The wet road required just enough concentration to navigate that he could almost shut the image of Dean smiling in the rain out of his mind. Almost.

Cas let himself in to his house, taking of his shoes and squelching into the kitchen. His sister was sat at the table, reading a book. She looked up when he came in, raising her eyebrows at the sight of him.

“ Anna.” Cas greeted wearily.

“ Cas... what the hell happened to you?”

“ Long story.” He sighed.

“ Wait... is this to do with Dean? I heard you to had been hanging out...”

“ What? How?”

Anna laughed.

“ If you hang around with Dean Winchester people are going to talk you know. It's unavoidable.”

“ Well I'm not hanging around with him.” Ca said quietly. “ Not now.”

Anna's expression softened.

“ What happened, Cas?” She said, looking sadly at her older brother. It wasn't the first time he'd come home like this.

“ I don't know.” He said honestly, miserably. “ It was... it was going well. I thought... I thought it might actually work... but then I fucked up and..” he breathed in heavily “ ...and I didn't even do anything.”

There were tears in his eyes now and he looked away from his sister. She came over and hugged him awkwardly. He was good at awkward, he thought bitterly. He hugged her back, hiding his tears in her her.

“ Do you want to talk about it?” She asked.

“ Not really.” He said softly. She nodded. He turned away and went to leave the kitchen, thankful to Anna for not prying. Anna had always been there for him, not judging. She was the first person he came out to and she had just smiled and hugged him and he had cried then, too. And when everything had kicked off with Balthazar all those years ago she had still been there. 

“ Hey Cas?” Anna called as he walked through the door. He turned and paused.

“ Have a shower, OK? You'll get a cold.” She said.

Cas nodded and ascended the stairs, shrugging out of his clothes and sinking into the hot water gratefully. When his shivering subsided and he felt ready to face the world again he climbed out and dressed in pyjama’s, hoping that tonight was not one of the nights his father decided to grace them with his presence.

He headed back downstairs, having decided that he was in dire need of hot chocolate. Anna was still reading when he entered.

“ Feeling better?” She asked. He nodded and dredged up a smile, rummaging through the cupboards in search of cocoa powder. 

“ What are you doing tonight?” Anna asked, closing her book.

“ Nothing.”

“ We can watch a film if you want?” 

“ Fine.” Cas agreed, deciding that wallowing in self pity would do him little good. He made his hot chocolate and headed through to the lounge.

“ Hey Cas? Have you eaten?” Anna called through. Cas thought of the Cherry Pie and his stomach rumbled.

“ Not really.”

“ Pizza?”

“ Fine.”

He heard Anna moving about in the kitchen, switching on the oven. He sat on the couch, picking up the remote control and flicking through the TV guide. There was nothing on, as usual. The best option was either some sci-fi space quest film or a generic chic flic. He went with chic flic, figuring Anna would prefer it.

She came through to the living room, settling on the couch beside him. 

“ Is this all that's on?” 

“ Pretty much. Unless you want aliens, slime and two dimensional heroes.”

“ Ugh. Sunday night TV. We need a social life.”

Cas said nothing. The watched the film in silence for awhile, Cas immersing himself in the unfortunate life of Helena Waters, an aspiring fashion designer with a cheating boyfriend. At some point Anna went and brought pizza through and Cas are it absent mindedly.

“ Cas?” Anna said tentatively when the film finished.

“ Yes?” Cas eyed her wearily. She was going to talk about Dean again.

“ It's his loss, you know that right?”

“ Sure.” Cas said flatly.

“ I mean it. You are worth more than some dick head jock who treats you like shit.”

Cas narrows his lips, thinking back to Dean's comments about being pigeon-holed.

“ He's more than that, Anna.”

Anna looks sceptical.

“ I mean it. He wasn't being a jerk. There's just a whole lot of story that I don't know.”

Anna smiles at him, because Cas is always so naïve and well intentioned and good.

“ Look after yourself, Cas.” She says softly.

Cas nods and heads upstairs, collapsing into sleep.

The next morning he wakes and groans, fragments of dreams involving Dean escaping him. Damn that boy and his eyes and his laugh and his hair and what even went wrong? Cas drags himself out of bed before the warmth of his sheets pulls him back into sleep. 

He looks at his clock. Eleven thirty. Crap. It's Monday, he remembers. He had forgotten to set his alarm the night before and Anna leaves before he even gets up on a Monday – some exercise group or something, he thinks. He weighs up the merits of dragging himself to school late against pulling a sicky. He goes with the latter, deciding to stay home and catch up with school work rather than face the glares of a receptionist.

The day passes quickly and he is only made aware of the time when someone pounds on the front door. It is quarter past four now. Cas shoves back his chair, heading downstairs to answer the door. He's still in pyjamas, he realizes with some embarrassment. He opens the door, hoping it is someone he knows and not a post man. With an ill feeling he wonders if it could be Dean, but quickly pulls open the door before he decides to hide for the rest of the day.

Charlie is stood on the doorstep, practically bouncing with evident excitement,

“ Charlie?” Cas asks, confused. She doesn't normally make a habit of turning up unannounced. 

“ Castiel Novak, you have some serious explaining to do.” She says, stepping into the corridor and kicking of her shoes.

“ I do not understand.” He says, more than a little confused.

“ Come on Cas! Spill the beans! I'm dying here.”

“ Well you appear to be fairly buzzing with energy, so I'm going to take the last statement as an example of hyperbole.”

“ Mr Ross would be proud.” She says, bounding up the stairs to Cas's room. Cas sighs and follows, figuring that the following conversation is going to be uncomfortable.

“ Why are you here, Charlie?”

“ Well I had to make sure you weren't dead or anything, seen as you haven't responded to a single one of the 11 texts I sent you.”

Cas doesn't recall receiving a single message. He goes to get his phone and then recalls that he left it in the car the night before.

“ Uh... my phones in the car.”

“ That would explain it.”

“ So why did you need to text me 11 times?” He asks. Charlie has always been rather excitable, but she isn't prone to dramatics.

“ Because guess who turned up at our lunch table today?”

Cas closes his eyes. No. Why does this always happen to him? 

“ Who?” He says, letting Charlie tell her story though he already knows the answer.

“ Dean fucking Winchester, Castiel. At the geekiest, nerdiest table in the school.”

“ What did he want?”

“ He was asking after you.” Charlie said. “ Looked pretty miserable, said you weren't answering his messages.”

Cas mentally berates himself for forgetting his phone, making a note to receive it.

“ You do realize that, as your best – and pretty much only – friend, I demand to know how you managed to get Dean Winchesters number.”

It's inescapable, because it's Charlie, and also because kind of wants to offload the whole story to someone who won't mind analysing it with him and who also wont think he is a total sap. So he tells her everything, except for the more personal things that Dean told him, and she listens. When he is done he feels simultaneously better and worse.

“ Holy crap, Cas.” She says, finally.

“ I know.” he sighs.

“ Only you. Only you would end up stargazing with Dean Winchester.”

“ Why do you all say his name like that?” Cas asks, tired of the weight attached, the tone that accompanies every mention of Dean.

“ Because he is Dean. He is pretty much the most lusted after guy in our school. Popular, sporty, smart and freaking hot as hell. That's why.”

“ But he's more than that. He wants to be more than that. I thought he could be...” Cas trails off. “ Why did he leave, Charlie?”

“ I'm guessing he's pretty confused.” She replies.

“ But... why?”

“ Come on Cas. He probably thought he was straight until recently. People here aren't exactly accepting – his whole life would be tipped upside down. He's most likely been suppressing that part of himself until he met you, with your blue eyes and awkwardness.”

“ Why did he run?”

“ You first met the guy when he was running from his problems. I guess that's what he does – gets angry or runs.”

“ So I'm a problem?”

“ No. I just think he needed some time to work through stuff. It's not easy, coming out. Especially to yourself – we both know that.”

Cas nods.

“ I should probably read his texts, shouldn't I?”

“ Probably.” Charlie replies. “ Cas... I think you and him... there's something there. You don't just bump into people like that for no reason.”

Cas can't help but smile at Charlie – she is a hopeless romantic, though she would never admit it. 

“ We aren't star crossed lovers, Charlie.” 

Charlie grins.   
“ Whatever you are Cas – I ship it.”

Cas elbows her and goes to get his phone.

He looks at his inbox and starts. 22 new messages. 11 are from Charlie. That means the other 11 are most likely from Dean. He scans through Charlie's quickly – they all follow the line of “ Cas what the hell is going on with you and Winchester. Spill.”

He then opens Dean's. 

18:15

Cas. About earlier. It was a mistake.

18:25

Shit. I'm lying. It wasn't a mistake.

18:40

I'm sorry I ran.

18:45

Cas?

19:00

I am a complete jerk. I shouldn't have kissed you.

19:10

Not that kissing you was bad. It was pretty awesome.

19:15

Will you reply? Are you mad?

19:30

I want to see you again. But no one can know – I'm not ready.

19:45

Who am I kidding? You don't want to see someone who can't even confront their own sexuality.

20:00

Are you OK? Did you get back OK?

21:00

I'm sorry.

Castiel puts his phone in his pocket. Charlie was right. He guesses he doesn't really blame Dean for running – the first time he kissed a boy the boy had called him a faggot and shoved him away. He had been careful who he got close to since then. Dean had known that Cas was gay though. And Cas had let him make the move. So Dean wasn't completely without fault, but at least Cas knew what had happened now.

He took his phone out again and dialled Dean's number before he lost his nerve. Dean picked up almost immediately.

“ Cas? Are you ok?” He asked urgently.

“ I'm fine Dean. Hello to you to.”

“ Sorry I just... I mean... I was worried.”

Cas smiles a little.

“ I know. I read your texts.”

“ Oh god. Sorry. I don't even know how many there were... I feel like an insecure schoolgirl”

“ it's OK.”

“ Really?”

“ Yes. I think I understand.”

“ I really am sorry that I left you there. I just...couldn't stay. It wasn't you.”

“ I know.” Cas replies, even though a part of him still doubts, just a little.

“ So...are we good?”

Cas pauses, because he isn't quite sure what Dean means by good. If he means, can they forget it everything that happened and go back to before then Cas thinks his heart might break, but if he means can they try and make it work then Cas is most definitely good.

“ I'll try, Cas. If you let me... I'll try to open up and not get angry and... I like you, Cas, I like you a lot. I think... I think it could work.

“ We're good.” Cas said softly, and promised to call Dean later. He smiled as he hung up and returned inside to Charlie. Dean liked him. Dean like Castiel Novak and that made him feel light and sort of floaty.


	5. The End of the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has had enough of running from himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be longer, however I think this is a good place to stop - I don't want to write an epic saga. There is the possibility of a sequel eventually, if inspiration strikes. Thanks to all who have read this - I hope you enjoyed it and I would love to hear what you thought of it. :)

The next day dawned bright and grey and Cas got up to face the world. He'd never enjoyed Tuesdays – for some reason they gave him a bad feeling. He supposed that this one could possibly be OK though. 

He ate quickly, greeting Anna and offering her a lift to school. She declined and he hugged her because he was in a good mood before he left. The drive to school passed in a blur. His mind was to filled up with Dean to pay attention to trivial things like street signs. 

Cas parked, eyes scanning for the Impala. He found it and saw Dean leaning against it, talking to one of his football friends. Cas sighed slightly, remembering that in school he and Dean had to act as though they were strangers, at least at the moment. He could do that though, he supposed. He'd rather be Dean's secret than be nothing to him at all. And equally, he didn't exactly want eyes following him wherever he went.

Cas headed into school, passing Dean as he went. He looked at Dean out of the corner of his eye, smiling at him in greeting. Dean grinned back and pulled a hideous face whilst his friend wasn't looking. Cas couldn't help but snort softly as he passed.

His phone buzzed as he was sitting down in his first class. He opened the message under the desk, hoping no one would notice.

8:55

Good morning :)

Cas smiled but didn't reply – his teacher was known for being petty and confiscating any and everything she deemed unrelated to education. Which included mobile phones. He made a note to text Dean at break time and got out his books, preparing himself for the day ahead.

“ Hey.” Cas heard from behind him, turning to find Charlie grinning cheerfully.

“ Hey.” He greeted.

“ So, hows it going?”

“ Better.” Cas replied truthfully. Charlie grinned.

“ Told you it'd work out.”

“ No you didn't. You said “ I ship it.”

“ Same thing.” 

“ I beg to disagree. Half the things you “ship” end in bloodshed and tears.”

“ Always the pessimist, Cas.” She sighed.

Cas chuckled and pulled out his phone.  
10:30

Sorry I couldn't reply. Mr Roberts is an ass butt.

Cas hit send and then noticed Charlie peering over his shoulder.

“ Hey!” he said, indignant. 

“ Ass butt? Seriously? You are texting Dean frigging Winchester and you use the word ass butt?”

“ Shut up.” Cas says, cringing a little inside. Maybe not his finest word choice.

His phone buzzed again.

10:31

Ass butt?

Charlie laughed from over his shoulder and Cas wanted to hit her a little bit.

10:31

It's a good insult.

10:32

No it isn't.

10:32

I know.

10:33

Meet me at the lake after school?”

10:33

Yes.

Cas pockets the phone once more, heading to his locker to collect his school books. He finds Dean stood there, smirking.

“Dean? What are you doing here?” Cas hissed.

“ Ass butt.” Dean smirked, walking past, elbowing him as he went. Cas sighed but couldn't quite suppress a grin.

The rest of the day couldn't pass quickly enough. Cas realized that most of his school days were probably going to feel like this for awhile. He had spent so long just plodding through life, dreaming of other things that actually feeling and seeing were a strange experience. He dared not think to much about the future yet though. There were still going to be problems, he knew. Dean was by no means a perfect human and nor was Cas. But he hoped that as long as they learned to communicate, they would be OK.

By the time he got to the lake Cas could barely contain his excitement. He jumped out of the car, heading over to Dean.

“ Dean!” He greeted, grinning. Dean smiled in greeting. Cas stopped awkwardly, a few feet short of Dean.

“ Uh... so how was your day?” He asked, unsure of what to talk about. Dean just grabbed him and pulled him into a kiss, a proper one this time. It took Cas around 3 seconds for his brain to engage and by that time Dean already had his arms around him tightly, stopping him from melting to the floor. Cas kissed Dean back in earnest, bringing his hands up and pressing them against Dean's chest. Dean was just an few inches taller than Cas and he hand to tip his head up to meet Dean's lips.

It took awhile for any form of coherent thought to return to Castiel – his mind was fragmenting apart, noting everything about Dean. He smelt amazing, Cas thought distantly. Pastry and engine oil and deodorant. That shouldn't smell good, he thought, but somehow it did.

Dean pulled back a little and Cas opened his eyes, half expecting Dean to jump back and leave him again. He drew in a deep breath, waiting for Dean to make the first move. Dean leaned his forehead against Cas's, huffing out a soft sigh that blew across his face. His breath smelt of mints, Cas noticed, realizing that Dean must have planned this kiss. Cas smiled.

“ Are you still ashamed?” He whispered against Dean's lips.

“ I was.” Dean admits. “ The other night... I didn't even know... I mean, I'd never kissed a guy before...and then it felt...right...and I felt all wrong..and...” Dean draws in a deep breath.

“ It's OK.” Cas says, prompting him to continue.

“ My dad... he... is against this kinda thing. He told me when I was younger that it was disgusting, wrong. I believed it, because he was my dad and because everyone else I met seemed to agree. And I just tried to push... all the thoughts... about myself out of my head, y'know? Like, if I didn't think it, it wouldn't be true. But then you came along and I couldn't stop thinking about you. That night … when we met... I don't think I've ever seen anyone look as beautiful as you...” He pauses to smile at Cas, who is blushing again. “ Your eyes, in the dark, and your blushes – I really do find them adorable – you just... I couldn't hold it back. And then I kissed you and I was scared about what that would mean so I ran. And that was stupid because nothing – nothing – has ever made me feel more alive than kissing you.” Dean finishes, face flushed red. He fidgets uncomfortably and Cas can see how vulnerable he is in that moment – face open and weary, ready to be punished for simply feeling. Cas recognizes that expression – he's seen it on himself in the mirror. He closes his eyes and kisses Dean again, twining his fingers through Dean's.

When they pull apart again, Dean's face is wet with tears.

“ Happy or sad?” Cas asks softly.

“ Scared.” Dean smiles back.

“ I know what you mean.” Cas whispers.  
“ There'll be problems.” Dean says simply.

“ I know”

“ Will it be worth it?”

“ Definitely.” Cas smiles, looking into Deans bright green eyes. He could get lost in those eyes, he thought. He'd paint a landscape with a sky that shade of green one day. Because he had time. It began to rain again, and they were kissing and laughing and holding on to each other as though they would never let go because Dean was done running – he'd reached his destination in Cas's arms, curing him of his loneliness.


End file.
